


Measuring Life in Coffee Spoons

by Aer



Series: RobRae Week 2018 [7]
Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Amnesia, Angst, Bittersweet, Coffee Shop, Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind inspired, F/M, Not really very happy, Robrae week 2018, i made my own heart hurt a little with this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 03:39:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17821142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aer/pseuds/Aer
Summary: Raven used to think there was nothing bitterer than burned green tea. She should have known the universe would take that as a challenge.





	Measuring Life in Coffee Spoons

**Author's Note:**

> It’s only late if it’s posted after the next year’s RobRae Week has started, right? I know this is ridiculously late, but I found it floating around in my drafts folder while trying to find a piece of homework I’d lost, and I figured I might as well post it, late as it is. 
> 
> The title is inspired by a TS Eliot quote: “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.”

The cardboard cup thudded as Raven set it down, perhaps harder than was really necessary. Her eyes were steely as she eyed the boy across the table. “Why am I here?”

Dick sipped his latte. “To enjoy a delicious cup of coffee in one of your good friend’s company?” He offered. 

“I hate coffee. And if you don’t know that, you might want to rethink the second part of your statement as well.” 

He clapped a hand to his chest, miming a mortal wound. “Aww, Rae, that’s just cruel!”

“Making me drink the swill this place calls _tea_ is the true cruelty occurring.” 

“It can’t really be that bad?” Dick quirked an eyebrow. “I mean, you’re still drinking it.”

“I do not waste things I have spent money on. Even things like this... travesty.” Punctuating her statement, Raven took another sip, wrinkling her nose as the bitterness of burned green tea coated her tongue. “Honestly, how hard is it to understand that green tea is brewed with hot, _not_ boiling, water?” She inquired of the air to the side of the table. Dick snorted, but didn’t reply. This was a well worn argument, and Raven knew he knew better than to try and convince her of the merits of drinking coffee. Never once had she allowed so much as a drop of coffee to pass her lips, and that that wasn’t going to change now. 

Raven finally gave up on even the pretense of enjoying her drink and tossed the rest of the cup back like a shot. No sense in prolonging the misery, she reasoned, grimacing. Setting the empty cup back down, she pinned Dick with a hard stare. “You never answered my question. Why are we here?”

Dick took another drink. “I was serious, earlier.” He pointed out. “I really did invite you out to spend time with you and have a cup of coffee.”

“And if that’s the whole reason, I’ll drink the rest of your cup.” Raven snorted. 

Dick shrugged. “It’s probably silly, but...” He gestured out the window at the sidewalk just outside the cafe. “A year ago today, I knocked you over right outside and spilled your drink, and offered to buy you a new one, since there was a cafe right here.”

“And I drank it because I didn’t want to be ungrateful, even though it was disgusting.” Raven finished. Dick chuckled. 

“So you do remember.” He sighed. “I guess it’s dumb, but my life got a lot better after meeting you. So I wanted to celebrate, being friends with you for a whole year.” He shrugged again.

“And you couldn’t find a better way than making me drink the same disgusting tea as you did then?” Raven asked dryly, covering up the _small_ flare of warmth that his words had engendered. 

Dick outright laughed at that. “I dunno, it just seemed appropriate? Since a bad cup of tea is what started it all.” 

Raven sighed, allowing a small smile to twitch her lips. “I appreciate the thought, I suppose. Even if you still have no appreciation for good tea.” 

Dick toasted her with his coffee and a smirk. Raven shook her head, glancing to the side as her smile tried to grow. 

Dick’s phone beeped, and glancing at it, he cursed quietly. 

“I’m late for class. Sorry, Rae, but I’ve gotta go. See you tomorrow at the theatre?”

Raven nodded, waving him off. “You’d better not be late or I’ll go watch it without you.”

Dick just laughed at her, admittedly empty, threat, and pressing a kiss to her cheek, raced out. As he sped down the sidewalk, Raven allowed the smile on her face to fade. 

He was always so happy now. It was easy to be happy around him. It was only once he’d left, that the sad thoughts started creeping back in. Like now. They were bitter, like the tea earlier, but worse, because there was no cleansing them from her palate. 

Reaching up, Raven tugged the locket she wore out from under her shirt. Its simple design- of two birds flying together- gleamed, as if to mock her with its brightness. Flipping it open, she studied its contents. On one side, a small note, folded tightly to fit in the locket’s confines. On the other, a small memory chip, labeled only with a capital R. 

Today, she ignored the memory chip and pulled out the note. It was soft, worn down from too much handling, and she was gentle as she smoothed it out on the table. 

Raven had memorized the words it contained long ago, but still she read it now. 

_Raven,_

_I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. But this life is killing me, and I know I’ll never be able to walk away. Not as long as I know what I’m leaving behind. That’s why this is the only way. Please take care of everyone. It’s the only way I’ll be ok with leaving them behind, is knowing they’ll be ok even if I’m gone. If things ever change- if you ever need me- you know where to find me._

_The memory chip should arrive in the mail one week after the procedure. Hold on to it for me? There’s no one else I’d want to have my memories._

_I’m sorry._

_I love you._

_Robin_

The handwriting was more familiar to her than her own by this point, but Raven still traced the lines. Any empathic imprint Robin might have left behind was long since gone, but that didn’t matter as much as reminding herself that the Robin she loved had once existed. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and she hastily wiped it away before it could further damage the worn paper. 

The worst part, Raven reflected, carefully refolding the letter, was how she couldn’t hate him for it. 

Because he’d been right. 

Every escaped villain, every civilian caught in the crossfire of those senseless wars had weighed on him, until there was nothing left. Their way of life had been crushing him, her dear bright Robin, dulling his spark and destroying his soul. 

She couldn’t hate him for leaving, not even abandoning her, but some days, Raven mused, staring at the microchip, she could hate him for leaving her with an impossible choice. 

She could leave him in ignorance, enjoying the life he’d paid Lacuna a hefty sum to build for him, enjoying his bliss, while the loss of her love destroyed her.

Or instead, she could draw him back into the world of heroes and villains, and destroy him instead. 

She shook her head, trying to shake the thoughts loose, and put the locket away. 

The Teen Titans didn’t need Robin, not yet, and so Robin would stay locked away.

She had Dick’s friendship. She had these moments, stolen as they might be. She had the microchip she kept next to her heart as she counted time, coffee shop by coffee shop, until she was forced to choose. It was enough.

It had to be.


End file.
